Tears in my eyes ... Emotion in my heart

I know I already posted today... but I wanted to share one more thing. I wrote it in my journal just now... so I will just type what I wrote there:

July 15, 2008 - Tuesday
I am sitting here in my bed with my second son, Tyler, sleeping next to me ... tears are in my eyes and emotion in my heart. Today is the three year mark since Parker's death...

The tears are in my eyes because of the events of this evening mostly... Rodger, Tyler, and I watched the slideshow DVD of Parker my brother Toran made after Parker's death. It has photos of Parker throughout his life with music to it. The last part of the DVD has the photographs of Parker's last week on this earth. It shows him hooked up to the machines and also when we all took turns holding him and the emotions on our faces. This was the first time we had really shown Tyler the DVD. He loved seeing all the photos. I thik this was the first time he started to understand more about his brother as we told him it was Parker in all of the photos. Then when it got to the end with the hospital...... Not too far into this last section Rodger noticed Tyler's head dropped some and his lower lip began to quiver... as it continued Tyler's head dropped more and he soon turned onto his knees and forearms on the couch and dropped his head. After a few minutes he looked up and watched some more... then he began to cry and cry and cry. He didn't even watch the rest of the DVD. He just cried and cried. He buried his head into me and just cried. It took me about 5-10 minutes to get him to calm down enough and he finally fell asleep next to me in my arms.

I had no idea this would affect him so much. I think he finally understood this is his brother... the one we have been telling him about, visiting at the cemetary, and praying for each day... and for him to see what his brother went through was so hard on Tyler... Rodger, Tyler and I just cried... holding each other... and missing Parker so much... it is so hard sometimes.

The gospel is so important. We have to do all we can to keep the commandments and be worthy to be together forever. I want to share what is in my heart with everyone... the joy and sadness - it all teaches us so much - especially if we let God be the teacher...