Taking You Home

Parker,

Five years ago today we took you home from Primary Children's Medical Center. On July 8th your heart stopped. It took too long to get it started again. Your body couldn't handle it and there was too much damage. On the 11th you had your MRI and the results showed catastrophic brain damage. I don't know if I cried in that moment they told me and your daddy, but I know I froze and wonder how I could be hearing these words of my little boy. I remember seeing the MRI and seeing the damage all over. We didn't know what to do. We went off by ourselves, in a little room, and prayed to know what to do. We cried as we spoke words to Heavenly Father of His will for you. We both knew we needed to let you leave this earth. Having that confirmation helped, but I still wanted to hold you in my arms and go back in time and have none of this happen. But it wasn't going to happen.

You continued to hang on. Non-responsive. Never opening your beautiful blue eyes. Only a few moments of emotion as you were in pain at times. We tried to do all that we could to make you comfortable and be with you, trying to take in every last moment with you before you would leave us for a time.

Five years ago today, July 13th, we took you home. We arrived home around 6:00pm. We all took turns being with you, holding you, and loving you... pouring every ounce of love and tears from our bodies ... giving it to you. I needed that closure time... and yet it was hard knowing at any moment you would take your last breath. I was able to feel your heartbeat, feel your spirit, knowing who you are in God's eyes. One day I will get to be with you again. We are trying to do all that we can to be worthy of holding you in our arms again. I am thankful God gave you to me. I am thankful for the 20 1/2 months I got to hold you and care for you on this earth.

Please help us to be with you again. The gospel is so pure and so amazing. The gospel is what gives me the hope and joy even when I am missing my little boy. I look forward to the day I will hold you again. Please know how much I love you! I miss you with all of my heart!

Love,
Your Mom