Remembering Parker: Day 1 - Friday, July 8th

These are the last photographs taken of Parker before the hospital. It was a July 4th Real Salt Lake soccer game. A photographer for RSL took these.

Today has been a long and busy day... I didn't have time until now to even put this blog up. I wish I could have put it up this morning to share some of the thoughts and feelings in my heart today as I miss my son.

Four years ago this morning Rodger and I took Parker up to Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake City, UT. It is hard to remember everything... it makes me sad that details fade. The day before, around 4:00pm I received a phone call while I was at work. They told me we needed to be at PCMC by 7:30am as the procedure (angioplasty/catheterization) would begin at 8:00am. I asked when we would get to go home. The lady on the other end told me it was a same-day surgery, so once Parker had time to recover and after coming out of the anesthetic we could take him home. We would probably get to go home that afternoon. I remember thinking "Oh wow. I didn't expect that" (as he was kept in the hospital a few days after his procedure when he was 8 days old and he was kept over night when he had his second procedure after he just turned 1 years of age). I hung up the phone and had this feeling (I may have even said it out loud in my cubicle) "This isn't going to be a same day surgery. We need to take clothes etc for an overnight stay". It was more then an overnight stay...

So, the next morning we woke up at about 5:30am to get everything ready. We left and got to PCMC before 7:30am where they prepped Parker in his hospital pajamas (I wish I had photographs of Parker in his pajamas. They didn't have any pants his size there in that section of the hospital so they had to roll up his pants at the waist to keep them on him and not drag on the ground). He was SO CUTE in those pajamas. He didn't cry as much as he usually would when they put the IV in, etc. After he was all done he got to go in the play area. He played so well with the two kids in the area. It was so fun to watch him playing happily and trying not to use his hand that had the IV in. I wish, I wish I could have a photograph of every moment of his life...

When it was Parker's turn we carried him into the Cath Lab.. we walked down the long hallway and entered the double doors of the Cath Lab. The doctors and nurses were there waiting for us. The big empty table was in the middle of the room. They told us we could carry him over and tell him good-bye. We carried him over and put him on the table and kissed him good-bye and told him we would see him in a little while.

The procedure was to take about three hours. Rodger and I were trying to get a nap in as we were exhausted from waking up at 5:30am and the emotions of the day. We were in the waiting area trying to get some sleep on the not sleep friendly chairs. We had a pager for the doctors to let us know when the procedure was over. After two hours Rodger heard a nurse speaking the the receptionist desk near us. He heard something about the Cath Lab. He woke up and went to ask the receptionist. Of course with the security laws they wouldn't tell us anything. Rodger then looked down the long hallway and saw the Cath Lab light turned of. The double doors were open. Doctors and nurses were running in and out. Rodger quickly came and woke me up and said there was something wrong. He started heading down the hallway and I quickly caught up. We were near the Cath Lab when a couple of nurses stopped us and took us into a small room nearby where the cardiologist came to tell us Parker's heartrate dropped and they started CPR but his heart wouldn't start again. They were doing all in their power to get it started again. They were going to put him on an ECMO machine (bypass machine) to get his heart started again. They did this, but at this point his heart had been stopped (other then CPR) for almost an hour! Even with the ECMO his heart didn't start. The doctor told us they might have to open up his chest to help pump the blood out as his heart wouldn't be able to pump the blood out. Luckily his heart started 10 minutes later. The thought, even to this day, of having his sweet, soft, perfect skin opened up makes me want to cry. I didn't want to see that. I almost cried when I learned they didn't have to open up his chest.

We didn't get to see Parker for almost three hours because of all the machines, etc in moving him from the Cath Lab to the PICU. I wanted to be with my son so bad! The thought of my little 20 1/2 month old boy all alone without his mom and dad... I needed to be with my son! I frantically called my mom and my twin sister to start off. Neither of them answered. I NEEDED SOMEONE TO ANSWER! I didn't know what to do or to feel. My son! What was happening to my son! I called my dad at work and he answered. I said "Dad! They had a Code Blue on Parker" I just cried and cried. My dad didn't understand me. I said "They had a code blue on Parker, Dad! His heart stopped!" My dad quickly said he would be right there. My mom was at a funeral. He called her and she answered this time and they hurried up. In the meantime Rodger was calling his parents. We just cried. I called my brother, Dave, who lived in Salt Lake City at the time and he came as fast as he could. He got there and then my parents and twin sister came. We waited.

The rest of the day was a lot of tests and monitoring and doctors telling us all they knew and we would have to wait and see. Parker was sleeping and not responding. What would happen to my little boy!?!?!?!?

Four days later here are photographs of our son... our little boy...